I have been thinking of writing a post on my take about the whole “maiden name”, “married name” drama.

It is a common practice in most of the countries (atleast the ones I have been to or people I met from) to change the girls maiden name (father’s family name) to husband’s family name. In certain cases I have also seen people changing the first name of the girl, and in this case this girl looses her complete name and acquires a totally new name, new family etc.

This one time I asked my mother why her name is different from her brother, father and mother’s last name ( I was may be 9 years old at that time). That was the first time she explained how a girl gets married and moves on to the boys family and takes up his name and how she then has to abide by the rules of that family and take care of her MIL and FIL. She even told me how the girls parents are not supposed to take any gifts from the girl, as her parents no longer have any rights over her money (if the girl is working). I will not call my mother old fashioned as this incident happened some 21 years back and this is how people used to think back in those days. I clearly remember my reaction to what she said, I was very angry and felt its an injustice towards the girl and her family. And then I told her my intentions of retaining my fathers name and even passing it on to my children and how I will support them (my parents) financially once I start working. My mother said, this is how all the girls feel till they get married. I begged to differ with her and mentioned that remember this and one day I shall prove my words.

So I got married to the guy I loved the most. He is the most understanding, funny, smart, intelligent guy. Day after my wedding FIL proposed to get my name changed in the official gazette so that there wont be any legal problems (somehow I missed discussing this whole name_changing_after_marriage part with M during our dating days) and also change my name in the office records, bank accounts and passport. So practically he wanted to wipe out my total identity and create a new one altogether. Taking up husbands name also meant I take his religious identity (he practices Jainism and his family name is jain too) which was one more thing to think about. But as a new bride and with all these changes happening in my life I somehow could not say no to my FIL and within few days M spoke to out lawyer and told him about this whole name change thing. So the whole process was completed and I was supposed to go to the court and take a oath in front of the judge and give up my maiden name and take my husbands name. And I did go to the court also and then I saw this woman who was there for the same purpose as I was then within minutes the judge was asking her if she is willing to give up her name and how it is illegal to use her maiden name going forward. This sentence stuck me hard and got me thinking. Using ones maiden name can get them into trouble? Was this some kind of a joke? I mumbled into M’s ears immediately and walked out of that place feeling very happy and relaxed. M was totally cool with my decision and life went on. Onetime my FIL received an email from me with my maiden name in the ID, this annoyed him and from then on he does not email me. One day I was telling my mother about how I did not change my name and reminded her of our discussion long time back. She was surprised.

I am not at all saying it’s the right thing I did or it’s the wrong thing. I followed my own belief. There are women who are more than willing to take up their husbands name, and there is nothing wrong with it. All I say is this decision should be left to the girl and not the in-laws or the society to decide.